2005-08-22 - 5:39 p.m.
So it's Monday again and, well it still sucks. I've managed to do as little as possible today, and it's worked out well for me. However I do have a massive headache from reading online most of the day. I found a blog that lead me to a bunch more, and I have realized that mine is a sad sad sad pathetic attempt at one. So I rationalize that it's not about what the site looks like, it's about what is on it, and even then it's only about how I feel when I write it. So there. Mine can suck and that will be my thing, my site sucks. And it's not even my site! Oh well, When I get to co-habitate with Adam I'll be able to make a better one cause he can help me. Hmm I hope he knows this, hee hee.
So yesterday I had a lot of driving. I went from Calgary to Edmonton then to Drayton. A long day. I had to go to Edmonton cause I had to take my cat there. He didn't like the car ride, but he dealt with it. Good little kitty.
When I drive I tend to daydream, I still pay attention to the road and all of those good things, but I let my mind wander. I drive so much now that I can only be amused my music for so long. (I want to get some books on tape, except books on tape are that, on tape, and I only have a CD player in my car. Granted I could buy them but at $60 for a book on disc, that's crazy talk Batman, I can borrow them from the library, but therein lies the problem, they seem to only have books on TAPE, oh well I digress)
So I am daydreaming... mostly I daydream of when I will live with Adam and our ensuing lives. This makes me sound like a stalker freak bitch, but there are lots of things to think about, like how we'll decorate, where we'll park and so on and so forth. I also think of our further lives together, like when we get married. Now we are a strange couple I think. He has yet to propose and I understand why, A) we haven't been together a year yet, and B)well really just A. Anyhow we talk about when we are married and what our wedding will be like and where we will get married and all the minute details. A recent thought we had is that we can't have a bride's and groom's side. My family all hate each other. My mom hates my dad, my dad hates my mom, my mom hates my uncles and aunts and they hate my dad, my dad hates my cousin and he hates my dad... you get the picture right?? So we are going to either A) partition each chair off with wrestiling rope or B) mix it all up. I say B, A will take too much organizing. I say that there should be the bride and groom side in the front then it's a free for all. Which should be intresting, his family is all really gregarious and nice, mine, a little loopy.
So again I digress. I was thinking about when we get married and all that and who I would want to stand up for me and for some crazy reason I thought of this one girl I knew in Korea. But she was horrible to me. We were great friends and all that, did everything together and had a great time. She really made my transition over to Korea easy and made my homesick feeling not linger so long. But what I didn't realize is that becasue I had befriended her I had alienated myself from everyone else at the school. She had caused a lot of trouble with the people there. A lot of rumor spreading and a lot of bad talking. PLUS she was Korean Canadian and was the favorite of the director (boss)and would tell him tidbits of the other teacher's lives which may not be soo good for him to know. So the other teachers at the school (rightly) didn't like her. I however had a great time with her. I could see that she was a spoiled girl and had lived a very easy life and didn't have a whole lot of life expereinces. But that was moot to me, she was sweet and nice and we had a good time. Anyhow bad things happened. New teachers came and I wanted more that one friend. I went to Korea to expand myself and learn to be more outgoing and meet new people and all that good stuff. I guess I should have informed her on this plan. She was really upset that I started making other friends and hanging out with them. So one of the new teachers made a comment that she was being mean to her. The new teacher was Korean American and therefore on the Korean Canadian's turf. (for simplicity my friend is C and the new one is J) SO anyhow J tells me that C is mean to her. To try and explain away C I say that she's had a different life than J or I have had and that she has more to learn in life. In retrospect should have just let it be. Anyhow J told C that I said that she was a spoiled brat and C ran with it and said that I said all this stuff. Anyhow just writing this it seems so junior high. There was more going on, but it's more she said and blah blah blah. Anyhow it comes down to I see C for what she is and how she manipulated me too and how I became one of her victims. Not to throw a pity party, but seriously there were so many people at that school that she made their lives a living hell. Anyhow back to my bridesmaid thing. I remember all the fun we had, and I want to talk to her. But then I remember how I have never ever felt so cheated as when I realized what she had done to me, and how I just ate it. Maybe I am too nice. But in my daydream yesterday she was there. However in reality she won't be there. I need to leave all that in the past.
So moving on, I could go on for hours about the whole situation, but I already have a paper diary which took a beating during all of this to the tune of 20 or so pages a day. (the act of writing soothes me, the flow of paper to pen, now it's fingers on a keyboard)
I go on. Anyhow Adam and I talk about getting married, granted I bring it up most of the time, but he plays along. It's funny, the things that are really important to me, like the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, the colours and flower aren't important to him, but the kind of beer, the location and the avalibility of pooltables are important to him. So when we actually do seriously plan to get married it will be a dream to plan, there doesn't seem to be a lot we will bicker on. Although I would relent to him. (don't even get me started on how I have relented in the baby name department, and we aren't even engaged!!!!)
So thus ends my blog entry for today.
HAND!
