2005-09-11 - 7:17 p.m.
It's Sunday. I've had a day in Calgary mostly by myself driving around wistfully wishing I was living here. I hate Drayton, I'll hate the other small towns I have to live in too over the next year, and I know I am just perpetuating my bad mood thinking like this. But I love the city. I love all the people, heck I even love the traffic!! I was walking though Sunnyside sipping a herbal tea smoothy and feeling really urban, it's all nice and fall-ey out and it all just washed over me. I loved it all. I saw this guy lying on a bench reading a trashy novel, the title was something about a runaway bride, it made me smile, people wouldn't do that in a small town. I also notice that he had writing all over his jeans, like a possessed Sharpie attacked him. I saw that one of the doodles he had was an anarchy A. Which made me giggle a little, seeing him laying in the waning sun reading a trashy novel, and all the while he advocates anarchy. Ahhh I love the city.
So I came into town this week cause some of Adam's friends asked me to go this country music festival. Arg, it was dreadful! Noth the people or the conversation, but the fesitval. It was at the zoo and it was raining, not drizzing or spitting, but full on open the skys and find an arc- it's armagedon time. YIKES! And I was wearing these cute little maryjanes and jeans. Hmm not the best footwear choice. I was soaked from mid thigh (where my borrowed XXL rain coat ended) to ankles. Fun. So the whole shindig was in this massive tent, and it was so steamy in there with all the people, and they were all hardcore. I felt like I had better keep a smile plastered on my face, lest they revolt cause they can sense that I wasn't enjoying the music.
There was a line for autographs that curled around the tent. It made me wonder what these people valued more: the memory of the concert, or the mometos of it, ie the autographs. They weren't albe to see the preformers from the line and it was long and jostly. Hmm human nature is puzzling.
So moving on....
We left the tent of pagans (they were worshipping false idols people!!) and went for lunch, yumm.
The rest of the day was long, but I bought new clothes so I was happy and dry. For the last hour we were at the concert I stared off into space fantasizing, and not about Adam... about dry socks! I wanted to be alone in a room with a pair of dry socks. I am sure that I would only need a couple minutes, but I would want to be fair to the socks and make sure that they were equally satisfied too!
It was amazing! Oh yes, I bought some dry socks. They cradeled my feet ever so gently, enveloping the whole of me in a warm embrace, sheilding me from the callous world that was freezing feet. It was pure heaven internet, almost more than I could handle. But I had to cut the special moment between me and the socks short as everyone was waiting for me in the restaurant. I had to compose myself, they can never know....
So my weekend without Adam in Calgary was surreal, but he's back, 5 minutes ago and I am in an internet cafe waiting to go and see him. I know he will be late, he always is. But I survived a weekend without him. I am jelous of my friends who live in the same town as their boyfriends. I feel like I am not in a grown up relationship sometimes. I know we are the feelings are very grown up, but I don't like this waiting to see him. I know it will all end soon, but agh, I am growing very weary of this game. I just want him! I love him.
We talked about getting married (again) he says he will ask me (YAY) but not until the new year (arg). I understand. I know that he wants to live with me. I know that he has had issues with other girls (who in my opinion were DUMB to lose him, but ha ha, I got him now, SUCKAS!). Anyhow, issues, other girls, they couldn't handle the co-habitation. I can't wait. I know things will change, and I know that I will go stir craxy, but I will have my friends so that I can go and visit. Adam knows too that I am very independant, and he knows that I will need time alone sometimes; in fact he is worried about it, but I know it will be ok. I can't wait to wake up with him every night. I think I'll sleep better. Now I am ok in my bed, but sometimes when I sleep with him, I get so girly and overcome with that I am in bed with him, and I can't sleep. I love him (wait I said that!) Anyhow it will be great! (can you tell I'm excited?)
Also since I am not in my town rather city and all that, I have had a true view of some friends. I am getting to be an old hat at not being in the same town as my friends. I have done it so much, and I make an effort to stay in touch, but lives change and priorities change and that results in friendships changing, and I find that hard. But I have a handle on most of my friends outside of Alberta, meaning, I know where my friendship is with them, and I can handle it. I still keep in touch with them in our own ways and whatnot. And it works out in an appropriate way. But I have some newer friends here and I am finding that those friendships aren't standing to the test of this distance thing. It sucks to learn that some friends can't handle it, making them become "friends" sucks sucks sucks. I have trouble letting it go. I keep trying to keep in touch, but I've noticed that they don't put in the same effort. Although they have all of their friends here. So it's harder for them, I understand, but I make the effort. Oh well. I choose to believe in the philosophy that there are several types of friends in your life and most are not the forever type. Some are there as a little glimmer in a pan, and they still enrich you and make you a better person, but it's sad to me when the glimmer is gone. However it may come back.... On the other hand this is a great way to learn who the best ones are, and I know that I have found one of the best ones. She's great. Our lives are parallel right now in some really fun ways. It's too bad she is so busy, but I understand, and I wish her all the luck in the world. And we have a lunch date next Sunday!
Well Adam should be at home now, and I need to see him. Did I mention that I love him?
Oh quick funny story, I was in his ex's car yesterday with her husband and Adam called me to chat, and they knew it was him when the phone rang. So we chatted and they taunted us in a way that friend's would, and the time came to say goodbye and the ILUs. So I say "rye ruv roo" a goofy thing I do, and he responds the same way, and his friends (and mine too now) laugh when we hang up. They wouldn't expect that from him, but they think it's great. Sigh, his friends are great too.
(yeah the whole ex thingy, he is friends with his exes, I really like this one and her husband, done like his most recent one, ie the one before me, and the one he was with for 5 years, arg, I get to meet her very soon, we are taking time out of our upcoming vacation to go and see her in BOSTON! yes BOSTON people, sigh, it's a good thing I love this boy, and he's not all weird for it, he is just a really good guy and people like him)
anyhow gotta go,
have a nice day.
and the girl at the computer next to me types looking at the keyboard.
I'm such a cow.
yes me.
moo.
